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emma-ellis chat
Date: October 10, 2022
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I had a friend who was a devout Christian. It wasn’t a big deal, or so I thought, until his attempts to teach me about Jesus and conversion became too much to ignore. He would bring it up out of nowhere and pretend like he was trying to help me, eventually I had to cut him off. “It’s not too late to accept Christ”, sir, I am Jewish.
Because the piercer isn't a good friend who might point out his abusive tendencies and support OP when she decides to leave
Same, I'm pretty positive that OP's way of presenting this situation is what's making it so bizarre. Not blaming or anything, it's pretty standard for bio-moms to have some growing pains when it comes to their children's stepmom and her place in their lives.
“There is a timelimit” nope this was alwqys the plan you are just amusement until then unfortunatly.
That he just states it this just shows how awfull he is
I do get that and other people have said the same. I hope I'm not naive but when reading it first before the comments I assumed or thought that it was a post about what happened with his SIL and was saying that he found his wife beautiful and was happy in his relationship was to set the tone for the situation.
However I did feel it was a ?saying although he still deemed his relationship with his SIL as platonic, he also mentioned that he found her attractive (and a bit attracted to her). I know no one can help those feelings but you can help how you interact with them. ie If the OP was feeling that way in the first place then the alone time should have been minimised before… and as the SIL seemed to have a close bond with her sister anyway, the OP didn't have a reason to be the one consoling her but more expressing he felt sorry about what she was going through and telling her to reach out to her sister instead.
Expressing that someone that isnt your SO is 'beautiful' and 'successful' etc isn't a bad thing if they would feel happy to say this infront of your SO and was merely to show that he admires her as a person in their family inside and out. But if he wouldn't speak about her in such terms infront of his wife then again that's a ?to me
You should be more direct:
“You are my friend and have to decide for yourself but I want you to know some things. When were out he mentioned X. It’s concerning to me about X,Y,Z. But whatever you decide is your choice. I would feel bad if I never said anything. “
You should risk it. You know it won’t go well which will impact your future relationship either way.
Unfortunately she’s vulnerable with her inexperience and open to these situations. Unless she wants self growth then you can’t online her life for her.
If he decides to divorce you:
You will need to get a lawyer to help you navigate the divorce
You will need to talk to a judge about custody arrangements
If he wants joint custody, you absolutely should grant it to him no questions asked
If the biological father files for paternity, that may throw a wrench in the works and you will have to talk to your lawyer about what to do in that case
If he decides to tell people the child is not his and declines to continue raising them, you will have to deal with the social consequences of that and you will be a single mother unless the biological father decides to step up. You will also have to find a way to explain to your child why daddy is gone. I recommend a child psychologist to help you navigate that if it comes to it.
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Am I alone in this phenomenon though like has this happened to u at all or do you know women that have had this happen to them too? Bc it’s so weird that I’m receiving this treatment from multiple men?
Accept your boyfriends response at face value. If he tells you at other times that he loves you, and you believe this to be true, can you accept that he might reserve saying it to times when he really means it vs just getting an auto-response?
I'm not saying that you are wrong if you need to hear it more often. You may just not be compatible if you are forcing something that feels unnatural to him.
Does your wife have other special areas in which her and your son bond just them? You say you have video games to play with him in addition to the chess. Does your wife play video games with him too? Or perhaps something else similar?
The more I read your replies the more I wonder if perhaps she wishes chess could be a special bonding activity between just her and your son.
You say now because of the different ways you’ve been playing with him he only wants to play with her. It has made me wonder if maybe she sabotaged you knowing that a kid isn’t going to want to keep playing against someone who always beats them.
Maybe, most likely even subconsciously, she wants your son to prefer playing with her, but she doesn’t want to admit, to you or herself, that she sabotaged your playing with him so that he could prefer her.
I see a lot of parents struggle with wanting to be picked over the other by their children at one point or another in different activities and times. It’s a difficult thing because obviously one doesn’t want to be discouraging their kids relationship with their other parent but they just also crave something special from the kid.
!remindme 14 days
Block her and change all your pws
Thank you. I needed to hear this. I guess more of this will clearly help me be firm with my decision.
I already have texted the guy that I have a boyfriend. This post is to avoid errors next time
OP, I mean this as kindly as possible, but you’ve been posting about this man making you feel bad and considering breaking up with him for over a year now. I know it’s scary to let go of the relationship, but settling because you’re in your 30s will only make you miserable. The more time you waste on this jabroni, the less time there’ll be to find someone better.
Best revenge is dumping her and living a good and happy life without her.
I do believe it's work, but there's limits to how you interact with your costumers. There's a huge different between announcing you have a girlfriend to everyone that comes in vs. just… not leading people to believe he's not just a friendly owner. Keeping it respectful shouldn't be an issue for him. It's a red flag.
I'll say it again, i think your concerns with alcohol intake are absolutely normal. But don't hold on to the hope of being able to change him if he's so closed off to the idea. Unfortunately some people need to experience a big scare before actually taking care of themselves. I hope to god he doesnt have to deal with that, i wouldnt wish that upon anyone, and that with time he learns
The reason that you don’t trust her is because she’s not trustworthy. Sure, her marriage may have not been good (at least that’s what she tells you). But listen to how she described it. She makes it sound like he’s 100% at fault, like she did nothing wrong and he fucked everything up. That’s almost never true in a relationship, both people hold some stakes.
The truth is, she knew what she was getting into with the military when she married him. She recognized that there were issues in the relationships. So instead of leaving the relationship, she’d rather be selfish and cheat on him. She wanted to keep all the perks of the marriage, avoid any drama, but get as much sick as she could by cheating on him with 4 different people.
She’s just out of a 20+ year relationship with this guy, and she’s given herself 0 time to heal. As much as she might claim she’s happy the relationships done, she’d likely feel a lot of pain if you weren’t there to feel the void, and she has a lot she could work on in therapy. She is NOT ready for a relationship, especially with the guy she used to cheat.
She said she cannot imagine ever cheating on me
I bet she told her husband that at first too.
with how close the clit is to the vagina I can't imagine many people being Expert Level Bubble Handlers who can keep all the soap out of there while rubbing away an inch from it.
Like the other person who responded to me about this said something about how much their live at home 30 yr old has been able to save and all of their posts are in a sub for people committing adultery. That's the type of person you're aligning with lmao
Let it go. He let you delete them. If he wants to look at women's bodies he's going to. Save yourself some worry and let it go.
The fact that you are pursuing someone so young, in such a different stage of her life points to you not having addressed your issues. Insecure men are drawn to younger women. These men think they’ll be easier to control, and the fact they have so little life experience means they’ll put up with things more experienced women wouldn’t.
There seems to be a lot of immaturity and insecure behaviours on display here. Not saying either one of you are solely “to blame” – relationships take two and it’s less about blaming and more about understanding each other and whether you have compatible flaws. However I do want to draw attention to the comment saying she loves to see you sabotage yourself. No matter how angry I was, that’s not something I would ever feel or say to someone I loved. And I would never actively contribute to bringing them down like that, either.
The right relationship won’t be without flaws, however a good indication of a healthy relationship is when you each inspire each other to be the best versions of yourself. And help elevate one another, equally. It’s ok to survey your time together and decide that is isn’t bringing out the version of yourself that you hope and want to be, and vice versa too. Perhaps you have incompatibilities that just simply cannot find a harmonious way to co-exist for the betterment of you both. And that’s ok.
If you truly think you can both be heard, respected, and work together towards bettering yourselves for the sake of this relationship, then I think it’s worth putting that effort in if you really love one another. But if, deep down, you know there will be no sincere efforts on her side, and that the pattern of laying blame will simply repeat itself, then it’s ok to decide that you aren’t willing to expend that energy anymore.
You’ll be alright, OP.