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Jane Daniels, 20 y.o.
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On-line Live Sex Chat rooms Jane Daniels
Date: October 7, 2022
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Reading posts like this really helps me understand why so many people hate on polyam people.
I'm 40. My wife and I have been together for 12 years and married for 8, and we've been ethically non-monogamous the entire time.
What you did is not ethical non-monogamy.
He was initially opposed due to concerns about stds and not liking the idea of me being with other people; but after some convincing, he agreed, and we began our arrangement.
If you have to convince the other person to try it out, you're already off to a bad start. How exactly did you go about “convincing” your husband to be OK with it when he explicitly said he doesn't like the idea of you being with other people?
I actively want my wife to have other partners, and she actively wants me to do the same. If you do not have that mindset, it cannot work.
Elsewhere, in replies, you have said that you “didn't want to set too many do's and don'ts” and boy howdy have you learned why that's a stupid-ass plan. You clearly had a rule – “don't form deep emotional connections” – that you did not convey or communicate. Now you're all mad that – surprise surprise – your husband who didn't want to do this in the first place has grown attached to someone else.
What was your goal here? Did you want to just fuck around with other guys and have your husband be OK with it? If you're not good, giving, and game in your non-monogamy, then you're just a cheater who wants a clear conscience.
Finally, also in other replies, you ask possibly the most asinine comment I have ever read:
And your acting like he is not a grown adult that can make decision, How can I force/pressure a grown ass man?
You fucking already did when you “convinced” him to try this ill-conceived open marriage idea, so I call bullshit. You know exactly how to force someone to do what you want – except now you're mad that you've lost control of your toy.
When someone is emotionally attached to you, and you effectively tell them “if you want me to be happy you will do this thing,” you are manipulating them. Not all manipulations are nefarious, but in your case, you had a selfish motive that grated against your husband's wishes and you forced the issue.
As an ENM guy, you are literally the problem that everyone points to when they trash open relationships. You barely sound mature enough to handle one relationship – trying to juggle more than one is a recipe for failure. Learn that and grow up before you go about ruining anything else.
So why was he taking about LDRs?
As a Norse Pagan you can add another God to your life. But the family wants you to forsake your Gods to join their religion. Why would you do that? Do not become an Oathbreaker. Do not pledge to another that which you can not keep.
Well can you give an example of what you might say? In my experience most peole fuck them up and turn them into an attack. They say shit like “I feel that you don't care ….” or “I feel hurt when you ….”
From that one text alone, I didn't get the sense she's threatening to take the kids away.
Maybe you don't realize it, but perhaps you losing your temper is worse than you think it is and the kids said something to her. Maybe the kids are afraid of you and she knows they can be a handful, and the likelihood of you getting mad at them is high, especially since she's away and you're handling the kids alone (which can feel overwhelming I guess).
I can understand the text may be hurtful since you really believe you'd never abuse your kids. But if raised, angry voices is a trigger somehow for her, I can see why she might shut down. You two need to communicate. You stop losing your shit and she needs to open up.
He isn’t interested. Move on. End of.
Dude. She’s not a good friend. She’s using you. Do not let her claim you as the father. Tell her parents that she’s dating another man. Don’t get stuck paying for a kid for 18 years because you’re young and too trusting.
My Boyfriend always kisses me after I suck him off lmaoooo and he gives me those nasty wide open wet kisses
One of my closest friends (I named my son after him) experienced this. He kept believing it would change, and didn't feel like he could talk about it while it was happening because of “man stuff” (this was 15 years ago; we've matured a lot since then and he self-published a memoir about it on Amazon called The Love Bomb). He was just a few years younger than you when he made the choice to leave, but the abuse had progressed much further (it had begun long before the wedding, but he thought that marriage would fix it).
You've already made a big first step in acknowledging and naming the problem.
You've told her how you feel and you know that it will not change for the better.
You need to decide for yourself whether you can handle that response, because it likely will not change.
If anything good thing the issues are appearing already, before you two got married.
You both are not even 20 years old, being engaged already is ludicrous. Go live life a little bit longer.
Good for her. You obviously have issues to solve before you date again.
Leave them out!!!!