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  1. I am responding here (to OP) even though I posted as its own comment. Your question of what “full on victim mode” is is what prompted my response.

    This post…is like a gut punch…it’s been nearly 5 years.

    I was in a verbally abusive relationship for almost 9 years. It progressed into a physically abusive relationship by the time I divorced.

    You are the reason people like me question themselves. You are the reason abuse victims stay silent.

    The difference between my story and this one is that I didn’t make anyone choose. I lost my entire friend group because I’d moved far away from my own friends and family and assimilated into the group of friends my ex-husband had for years. They remain friends to this day. And just as recently as this past month I’ve had multiple breakdowns and flashbacks/panic attacks because I found out they’re all preparing for this man to marry his fiancé and have been attending pre-wedding festivities. I am watching all the friends I had celebrate a man who gave me a concussion, beat a door in, punched holes in walls, beat another door in, would throw large objects while fighting, and intimidate me more times than I could ever count by screaming into my face until I was a crying shaking mess.

    I have CPTSD. I have severe anxiety and struggle on and off with depression. I spent so many years having my reality slowly chipped away that by the time I left the relationship it took months and years to fully comprehend reality and to even fully admit what I’d gone through.

    Why? Because I wasn’t perfect. I’d yelled. I’d been a bitch. I’d fucked up royally in my relationship. I wasn’t easy to deal with. I was drunk during the final incident when I ran for what I thought was my life. I’m not sure if you know how terrifying it is to run from someone you think might actually kill you in blind rage, but I do. I know what it’s like to be physically unable to go to certain parts of a city for years upon years because it brings back uncontrollable panic and makes you shake even when you try your hardest to keep it together. I know what it’s like to have an emotional flashback when someone says something that puts me back in that hell, even inadvertently. Sometimes you can disassociate for days. Sometimes you can ruminate and not sleep for 36 hours because you’re so terrified of the whole world and everything around you being a perceived threat. I bet you don’t know that hell, because if you did you’d never have posted this. I live that hell every goddamn day of my life. Here’s the kicker. Even typing this I still have waves of uncertainty about whether it really happened to me. I have photographs of the damage. Of a door beaten in. Scans from the doctor’s office. Paper that says I had a concussion from falling by accident. Because I lied and said I’d just fallen by accident. I was afraid of the truth. I couldn’t say the words. Some days I still can’t. And I even kept in contact after that and pretended I was fine. I was fine until I wasn’t. And that wasn’t for anyone but me to decide when I was ready to talk about the truth.

    It’s been 1,727 days since I ran for my life.

    Fuck you if you think having to stop hanging out with some guy is upsetting. Fuck you if you think it’s okay to talk about “ex-wife” being her normal, happy, social self after being abused as though it’s something to be ashamed of. Like it’s some sort of goddamn crime to have a normal day instead of being a sobbing mess on the floor. Do you want her to wear a sign around her neck with the full story? What the FUCK do you want her to do exactly to prove to YOU of all people that her story is true? Fuck you,fuck you, fuck you a million times over for being so self-absorbed that you think being “told” you shouldn’t be friends with an abusive man is some sort of grave injustice.

    You are the reason abuse victims on-line in their silent hell too afraid to speak the truth. 1,727 goddamn days it’s been, and it still feels like it was yesterday sometimes.

    I am so so sorry for your loss of a distant-ish guy you knew and want to maybe hang out with. It must be devastating.

  2. No man. I’ve been physically bullied since I was a kid. I’m a ugly black ugly man and my mom thinks so as welll. I don’t deserve to live!. My grades suck as well and I failed my computer science final.. My white friends get so much success but not me at the club. I wannna die. Even my dad thinks I’m not a man and makes fun of me

  3. When my ex wife was pregnant, I would come home from a 10 hour shift in the scrap yard just for her to ask for some random pregnancy craving. I then would trawl Walmart or whatever store to fulfill it.

    Did it frustrate me sometimes? Oh yes. But, I loved her to death and went out and did it anyways. Sometimes I would have to go to several places to find her specific craving. It was all worth it to see her there smiling and snacking away.

  4. No, he lied. He hid all kinds of things, and I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. That polyamorous lifestyle, it destroys monogamy for a lot of these people.

  5. They’re jealous and they won’t admit it. They seem to want you to be lonely like them. Not very good friends if you ask me(not that you are)

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