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KristineWillis Public Chat Channel
Date: October 1, 2022
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Please give us an update after you tell him.
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Her using my money without telling me was definitely an overstep, but I don't want to be overly tight with our budget either. I don't know what the right balance is just yet.
I think it's interesting that you referred to it as “my money” but “our budget”.
I'm not passing judgement either way. Like you said you both came from very different financial upbringings, but I wonder if part of the tension is you not being able to fully merge the financials both literally and emotionally. It's still your money and her money but our bills, rather than regardless it's our money.
Again it's not a right or wrong kinda think but it seems like you're a little caught in the middle of wanting to merge finances but still seeing things as yours and hers.
Fuck 'em. My grandparents have money (or had money? My grandfather just died, and my grandmother is already moving in with a new guy who used to work for NASA or some shit, I don't know how to refer to their situation, but my grandmother is still on the “rich snob” side) and are/were very “judgey.” I had to learn to get over what other people think a looooong time ago. Especially what my family thinks.
I'm sure my family is talking shit about my lifestyle. Before it was because I was a drug addict, now it's because I don't wear expensive clothes/jewelry/whathaveyou even though I “landed” a long-term partner with a good career. I haven't told them much about his lifestyle/nothing about his savings because they would judge him for not living “up to” his wealth demographic. This decision was solidified after my stepbrothers fiance showed my family her ring, and my grandmother said (behind her back) that the fiance should be “embarrassed” to show off such a “cheap” ring.
Honestly judgey people will judge you no matter what. Even if you treated your wife like a “trophy wife” they would still say you're doing things wrong (that you got the “wrong” car, the “wrong” expensive furniture, that you're “not spending enough on her” in general.) If my boyfriend was a trendy sort of person, he'd never date me, and, honestly, I wouldn't want to date him. You don't have to cut off these sort of judgemental family members, but you have to learn to not care about their opinions or it'll drive you crazy. The only opinion that matters is your wife's and yours.
If your wife is encouraging these ideas, that's the actual problem.
Her reasoning makes no sense unless she's inferring that you pay her portion of the trip. If she doesn't want to go now, then whatever, don't go. Use your money on something else for yourself. She's throwing out major gold-digging red flags. Keep your head on a swivel for when she starts asking you to pay for this and that all the time, and wanting nice gifts.
Its not rocket science. She got jealous & possessive.
Your worth as a human being is not measured by the miles on your genitalia. You're doing the best you can with the tools you are given.
I wish you had better adults around you when you were a child. You deserved to be safe and happy then, and you deserve it now.
Damn 4 kids? If this isn't a trollpost, I wish you luck OP. You ruined your life quite royally