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Date: September 26, 2022
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My last relationship was with my sons father. My son was unplanned and living there was situational. I was not staying there because I thought it was healthy or sustainable. However, you have provided valid points however judgemental your comment may come across.
Not likely
Thank you, it’s very much appreciated
Then break up. If you can't and don't want then that's it.
Leave
Will bring it up again, but he is more concerned about her right now since she just broke up.
This isn’t a you problem op. You’ve tried and it didn’t work, he should be grateful for the fact that you tried. If he’s making you feel bad about then that’s manipulative.. he’s trying to persuade you to do it by making you as if you did something wrong.
OP took him to her first family event and she caught him kissing her sister and broke up with him straight away. He tried and tried to get her back, 3 months later sister was pregnant and the family forgave them because of the child.
And I have to wonder…. Did OP go to the after party that the person he says he loves was excluded from?
Hey OP, tell him that making sex and sexual act a duty and responsibility takes the fun out of it and causes people to resent their partners. Sex isn’t a need. It’s a bonus. He either needs to compromise or go back to those (nonexistent) girls who would.
I know people hate this phrase but… called it! I freaking called it in the original post. This was never about you as a person for him, it was about the perverse fantasy of taking a “pure” woman and “defiling” her. He probably also thinks that he owns a woman after he takes her virginity, like in a fucked up bigoted way he will always “own” a part of her no one ever did. It's super gross and super dehumanizing.
He said “it was fine” so he could fuck you, OP. That's why he said it. The moment he pulled it out, it was no longer fine, bc it was never fine to him.
You'll find someone else! You are still really young, and the world is full of people that are better than him, I promise. But you will have a way better experience, and find a good dude faster if you learn to recognize red flags. The way your ex spoke about virginity was alarming, and everyone in the comments could instantly see what his deal was – it would do you good to think about why you didn't and instead made excuses for him. If you work through that, you'll simply waste less time on gross dudes.
For me this isn’t a difference of opinion, this is a difference of morals. I wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship with someone who was openly transphobic like that, but that’s my moral belief system at play.
Has it been 4 years since being with this abusive ex or was it a long term relationship?
If it has only been a short time then people would say that you need to find yourself and heal.
However, if it has been 4 years then that is time enough from 22 to heal and find yourself. You can hide away and never try anything new or do what she is doing, which is finding a friend that you all know and trust and seeing how it goes.
This is a man known to the family, not some stranger with unknown issues.
She needs to leave home and be more independant, if she isn't already then they need to accept that she is an adult and can make her own choices, right or wrong she can learn from whatever she chooses to do.
They are parents, who are there to help when needed, not protectors to stop her from personal growth, maybe talk to them about what they need and what they want to see in a person and point out the suitability of this person in their choices. The more you push the further away people get afterall.
If you have to tip toe around conversations and the only thing you ever talk about is what she wants to talk about then your communication is NOT OKAY.
Your values and expectations for the future are not compatible. If you continue in this relationship, you will end up in debt trying to support children you never planned and a wife unable to care for them due to her disabilities who expects you shoulder the entire financial and caregiving burden while also demanding you agree with her on everything or else she melts down. If that is not the future you want, you need to break up with her. At the very least you need to make sure she isn’t currently pregnant and stop having sex with her.