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Date: October 9, 2022
No, just leave it. He made the decision to leave you, and he should stop stringing you along if he does not see a future with you.
Chances are in 5 years when you’ve moved on he’ll try to squeeze his way in again. Happens a lot.
I suppose it depends on the person, but on my last day of work at my previous job, the dude I mentored through an internship, and then got hired gifted me a bottle of scotch. I was very touched.
Go for it
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So no sex for the next ten years? Cmon man just leave.
There is a lot to unpack here but I'll try to cut to the chase
1) No it's not fair to ask him to quit his job in this situation.
2) Yes, you are defined by your traumas and insecurities and not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. You need continued therapy, you are letting your insecurities control your own behavior and now suggesting it control his behavior too.
That said, some the things that happened, and some of the things he did aren't completely above board. I'm not suggesting he cheated, but he wasn't honest about things. Again I suspect your trauma and insecurity has a role here. He likely kept it from you because regardless of whether it was simply a work acquaintance or some thing else, your trauma insecurity are going to lead you to the later.
Regardless, until you sort out your insecurities this, and any other relationship you in (including most friendships) are just going to be drama, drama, drama for you and whomever you are with.
I suggest taking a more permanent break, get some real therapy (not someone who just tells you what you want to hear), and then you might be ready for a relationship. It's going to be tough. But it will be worth it.
Regardless of his religion, this tells you that he will push blame onto others (in this case you) and he will direct his self-hatred/anger onto others rather than take responsibility for his actions.
If you were to ever marry and someone “tempted” him, it would NOT be his fault if he cheats because he can blame someone else.
I’d break up now, you are better alone so you don’t carry blame for the both of you. Then, you may find someone who will own their behavior and specially who will speak up about their sexual boundaries.
Until you get the police called on YOU for B&E and theft and have hot (or rather soft) evidence of your crime in your possession.
Yes, sounds like she is still interested.
She’s probably wondering if you were just using her for sex.
starting to date 2 years after a divorce feels like a moderate to long time to me honestly. It doesn’t point to this being an affair.
also 2 years holding out for someone who initiated and went through with a complex legal proceeding to separate your lives? Why
starting to date 2 years after a divorce feels like a moderate to long time to me honestly. It doesn’t point to this being an affair.
also 2 years holding out for someone who initiated and went through with a complex legal proceeding to separate your lives? Why
I have a terrible relationship with my mom and would NEVER treat her like that. That is a huge red flag. Would you treat your own parents (or anyone really) like that? Do you think good people do that?
He was making an effort at the beginning of your relationship. The mask is slipping though, and in my experience it’s going to get worse.
It doesn’t sound like you’re overreacting or being sensitive. His behaviour is upsetting, and he’s pushing your buttons and being manipulative. Then blaming you for being upset when he created the whole situation. The weird push pull in bed that you described is worrying.
Anxiety because you got mugged/assaulted is super normal. His anger issues (at his hair every morning???) are not. Your anxiety hurts you. His anger hurts you, not him. It’s not the same.
You are going to therapy for your anxiety. He won’t get therapy. Have you followed up? Do you think he’ll get angry if you ask again? Do you often stop yourself from saying or doing things because he might get angry?
Does it feel like you can’t do anything right? Have you considered that your anxiety might be at least partly caused by his behaviour?
You said yourself that you are not the best judge of men in a comment (I’m rephrasing). With all the love in the world, I ask you to try and set aside the very deep love you clearly have for him and look at the facts. Would you want that for a sister or friend?
I know you love him but you don’t deserve this. A partner should lift you up. In his current state, he’s got a lot of work to do to be a good partner (and son) to anyone. He’s not doing the work. He’s very far from even thinking he needs to do that work. I hope you see this for the situation that it is. I hope you don’t waste your 20s on him. Please talk about it with your therapist if you don’t want to listen to internet strangers.