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Date: October 30, 2022
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You both need to meet with a financial advisor/credit counselor. Lay out the facts. Also talk to a real estate lawyer. In many states, if you buy a home while you are married, it's automatically marital property.
Fully agree. Is she going to let him get more serious with OP, let him get married, let him have kids?
Yep. Generally, in a relationship, no one is 100% a victim. Maybe 50/50 or 60/40, 30/70, etc., but not 100%.
Obviously I am NOT including situations involving abuse, especially physical. There is zero excuse for someone to assault the person they claim to love.
Well… sad entertainer is your name so… fits I guess? I find it sad you're hopping threads to keep up the dialog tho… why love? This is r/relationship_advice theres like a whole thing about comments supposing to be on topic and being helpful but there's no way calling me “naive and gullible” is helpful in your mind. There's plenty of antagonizing subreddits. Why are you happiest when you think you meet someone beneath you and get to rag on them? ?
Ask her if being her husband means you are not family? What's the point of being married to anyone if they don't at least prioritize you? Seriously that's really cruel. All she is telling you is that you don't matter to her. Her little speech during the Uber ride back means nothing as she obviously feels indifferent about it. If my wife did that to me I would lay out the reality of the situation and ask her point blank if I even matter to her and if she can't find the words or she goes with her family first then I would leave and divorce her. The fact that she doesn't consider you apart of that “family” is horrific and insulting.
Yeah damn but I kinda needed to hear someone say that
Your GF is like my dream best friends, i hate clubs (sensory problems), I can’t drink (I like to joke that i smell alcohol and im drunk!), I hate going out.. id much rather be home curled up with a good comfy blanket and a good book/tv show or game ahaha
Happy that you and her worked it out! 🙂
You want advice, how about do your job and date married clients?
I certainly had some thoughts when just reading the title alone, but when you said that when he texted that he failed that you knew a break or breakup was coming, that put reality a bit more into perspective, which you all but confirmed in the next sentence.
For you to be sitting here making an assumption like that means that you've been in an unhealthy relationship for quite some time. If you fundamentally know that him receiving a failing grade, which is completely unrelated to your relationship, will cause him to end your relationship, it's a monumental problem.
When you say your relationship hadn't been “smooth sailing” but had finally stabilized, all you've told us is that the issues in your relationships have never been sustainably addressed, but you've settled on just being calm. You should never have to sit in a relationship fearing that a single moment will ruin everything. If that's the case, your relationship is legitimately ruined and you need to leave it.
Now, I was going to say that you were being unreasonable in insisting to see him when he wanted to be alone after receiving bad news (which would absolutely be true in most contexts), he didn't ask for a day to relax; he asked for a break from the relationship. Again, that's not a normal reaction to the given situation. A day or two to process and things and unwind alone? Fine. But he suggested a long-term pause of your relationship. Him failing an exam warrants that?
I do think you're probably frustrating to deal with, refuse to listen to what people say, and are relentless, but there's two important things to consider; first, you're young, inexperienced, and immature. I'm sorry for coming off as mean in saying that, and I'm promise you that's not my intention; it's simply reality. I've been there, I get it. That's the reason I give advice on here. Full disclosure to you though, I'm a guy, and I'm happily married. I tell you this for a few reasons; first, I don't want to sit here and imply that I'm a woman because that would be dishonest to you when I tell you 'I get it.” I get it from a relationship perspective. Second, I'm not here being negative for the sake of being negative; I love love and I wish you nothing but the absolute best. Finally, it's easier for me to see reality than the person in the actual situation when you're blinded by love. I digress.
After saying all that, let's just focus on reality; he wants a break because his mental state will negatively impact your relationship. I mean, that will always be the case. But why make an assumption? How does he just throw out an arbitrary timeline of “5+ months?” What's that based on?
I'll come back to that, but we need to come back to you. You said you want to be there for him, support him, and not abandon him. The guy is literally telling you to go away. You insisting on sticking around is honestly doing nothing but hurting your case. Not that it matters given the advice I'm ultimately going to give you, but if someone asks you for something and you do everything you can not to do it, all you're doing is telling them that they made the right decision leaving you, because you can't respect their decision and requests.
So now here's what you do; you make it a clean breakup, never look back, and start the process of moving on. You need to understand just how important you making a statement like “waiting 5+ months is completely unfair to me.” Guess what? You're absolutely right. Ignoring the fact that there's no basis behind that random number, you're here being held on a string for half a year while also not knowing if it'll end with a positive result. You have no reason to believe that'll be the case.
Ending things for no reason? How about reality? Your relationship has always been unhealthy. The guy wants to pause your relationship because of HIS issues, for an indefinite time. You're far too worried on coming off as the “bad guy” (to be fair to you, I assure you we all felt that way). But what makes you “wrong?” You're miserable and he's avoiding you. Don't torture yourself. When you're in a healthy relationship, you'll never deal with anything like this. Good luck.
If you’re not ready then tell him. He should respect that. And if not, well you have a bigger problem.
Would love a did that teaches girls life skills! Well done!
He went on 6 dates without a first kiss. Does that sound like 30+ year olds dating or highschoolers to you? He needs to hear it so he doesn't make the same mistake.