Yeah it seems like he's almost definitely cheating.
The only plausible innocent explanation I could come up with is if he took her off the payroll and is paying her under the table now. Though it wouldn't really explain why coworkers haven't seen her in a month. Maybe she's doing more freelance work for whatever the company is now?
Thank you. It's helpful to hear something from someone who can relate to some of what I'm saying. I do believe you're right about the expectations and I've known this all along – possibly better than he is himself able to recognise at this point. His paternal told models are poor. He is completely NC with his dad and had been for most of his life at this point. He was an abusive asshole who husband has previously worshipped before he was old enough to understand what was going on. His positive father figure was his dad's dad – devoted to my husband and taught him all kinds, but in his younger years and been the same kind of asshole my FIL ended up being. This history is unfortunately ingrained in his identity in the form of a deep fear. He would be the last person to ever raise a hand to me or our kids or emotionally abuse us but the fear is there for him.
I know he is meant to be a great dad, I'm just so worried that the months we have left give him enough time for him to dwell on his fears enough to cement them and create a problematic barrier between him and his son (and me).
I will encourage professional help, but I don't know how realistic of an option is going to be if he's so uncomfortable with it. The cost as well is going to be a barrier given that finances are one of the points of anxiety. I will try.
I feel like something's missing here. Why did you buy her the ring? Had either of you had issues with infidelity/trust in the past?
Why did you let it go THIS far? You're divorced? Not separated, not working through it in couples therapy, but fully divorced?
I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't trust me, either, but this is an insane escalation on her part if things were supposedly perfect beforehand.
Either way, I think you've waited too long to clear your name. Just take the L
Yeah it seems like he's almost definitely cheating.
The only plausible innocent explanation I could come up with is if he took her off the payroll and is paying her under the table now. Though it wouldn't really explain why coworkers haven't seen her in a month. Maybe she's doing more freelance work for whatever the company is now?
All that is to say, yeah, most likely cheating
Okay. You're just despicable.
Regardless, it's the lie. Ya know? How do you trust anything she says going forward?
Once every two weeks is the compromise. Clearly his GF wants the “compromise” to be her way which is no gameplay at all.
Thank you. It's helpful to hear something from someone who can relate to some of what I'm saying. I do believe you're right about the expectations and I've known this all along – possibly better than he is himself able to recognise at this point. His paternal told models are poor. He is completely NC with his dad and had been for most of his life at this point. He was an abusive asshole who husband has previously worshipped before he was old enough to understand what was going on. His positive father figure was his dad's dad – devoted to my husband and taught him all kinds, but in his younger years and been the same kind of asshole my FIL ended up being. This history is unfortunately ingrained in his identity in the form of a deep fear. He would be the last person to ever raise a hand to me or our kids or emotionally abuse us but the fear is there for him.
I know he is meant to be a great dad, I'm just so worried that the months we have left give him enough time for him to dwell on his fears enough to cement them and create a problematic barrier between him and his son (and me).
I will encourage professional help, but I don't know how realistic of an option is going to be if he's so uncomfortable with it. The cost as well is going to be a barrier given that finances are one of the points of anxiety. I will try.
Thanks again.
I feel like something's missing here. Why did you buy her the ring? Had either of you had issues with infidelity/trust in the past?
Why did you let it go THIS far? You're divorced? Not separated, not working through it in couples therapy, but fully divorced?
I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't trust me, either, but this is an insane escalation on her part if things were supposedly perfect beforehand.
Either way, I think you've waited too long to clear your name. Just take the L