We’ve been together for six years and this has been going on for some time throughout our relationship. I’ve only recently noticed that’s it’s gotten a bit more aggressive the past year or so. My fiancé will joke or play around with me, but often does things that actually hurt… and then calls them accidents. Sometimes he’ll immediately apologize, while other times he accuses me of overreacting. Some of the things he’ll do include whipping things (clothes, socks, hats) in my direction and hitting me in the face or eyes, head butting me hard, play slapping & grabbing (but sometimes it hurts), feeding me something but then shoving the spoon down my throat… things of that nature. I have mentioned to him a few months ago that I didn’t particular like when the rough housing goes to far and that it doesn’t really make me feel very safe. I have a history with sexual and physical abuse from when I was a child, so my fight/flight/freeze/ gets triggered easily with things like that. I also just want to be treated like.. well.. a woman, and not like one of his guy friends. At the time, he apologized and said that he would be more mindful. But nothing has changed. In fact, a few nights ago he shoved a utensil down my throat again and my immediate adrenaline reaction that time was to swat him away, and I slapped the side of his head. He immediately blew up, pointed at me, and said “don’t f-ing hit me” When I tried to explain that was just my response to being hurt he shut me down and told me I was being dramatic. I said, “did you not hear me audibly gag? you shoved the spoon down my throat.” he still said that I was being over dramatic and made me feel like I had abused him for slapping. That was the first time I ever had a physical reaction to his antics. I can’t help but think that maybe I am being over dramatic? I’m honestly not sure. I would hate to think that he has some sort of underlying violent tendencies. I’m afraid that maybe these aren’t accidents.
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Date: January 31, 2024