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  1. Is he around other kids? You mentioned he’s a grandparent? Do your siblings know what happened are they exposing their kids to him?

  2. Were you lying to a partner whilst you explored? Were you deliberately excluding them from your journey? Essentially living in two different realities? I'm assuming you were free to explore yourself this way without hurting anyone. He is essentially telling OP to turn a blind eye. If she isn't on board with the terms of exploration then he is taking advantage of her. I can tell her whats likely to happen – considering his behaviour so far. If he does enjoy it, how likely is it he's gonna tell her the truth? He's too much of a red flag to even be given the chance in my opinion.

  3. Look, it sounds to me like the sunshine and rainbows with the 2.3 kids and white picket fence where you never hear about anything bad happening unless it happens in your family then you make sure nobody ever hears about it dream isn’t an option and you understand that already.

    But, and here’s something I want to focus on here, you’re afraid of your partner. Your insecurity that led you to post this is because you’re afraid of how he’s going to act. You say you think he’d force you to have an abortion, is that actually the kind of person you want to spend your life and raise a family with?

    You’ve also commented about how the start of the relationship had an eyebrow raising age gap. You try and defend it saying you were lying about your age. Here’s the catch, that’s not how it works. When you were a child you didn’t have the cognitive ability to properly execute the kind of agency you’re talking about. You probably still don’t have the cognitive/emotional ability to read the ways he can manipulate you, and you couldn’t possibly have the relationship experience to pick for the red flags.

    My honest advice to you? Run, do not stay in this situation. Keep the baby if that’s your thing, but this is the kind of situation that leaves you early 40s, divorced, with a kid who is just starting to go through all of the fun developmental milestones you missed out on because you decided you were an “adult” at 12 years old.

  4. literally stopped reading at dating for 3 months…what the actual fuck

    no advice, just what yhe fuck

  5. Even then she might be wrong. I don't like mushrooms but my husband loves them. Maybe his tastes are different.

  6. I’d let her know its assault, explain that you have some self esteem so you won’t be putting up with assault, and she can either explain where that impulse came from and work through it in therapy, or you can break up.

    I could see this being a childhood thing, like a learned behavior, because I have never ever felt the urge to spit on/at someone. And I mean, I have been in hateful, angry verbal fights before—I screamed at one person so loudly I hurt my own ears. So I’m no angel, and still the thought of spitting on someone has never crossed my mind. There’s got to be an explanation, and if it’s “my mom spat at my dad when they fought, and it always ended the fight” or something is way better than “I just really wanted to make you feel like a piece of trash because I am essentially a guttersnipe.”

    So sorry this happened, friend. Your did not deserve it, and there is nothing in you that caused it.

  7. True true I just need to be like hey I like you I want to be your boyfriend and your also right I’ve been setting like expectation in my head about how I want us talking to be going when there really hasn’t been any real reason for anything like the so I just need to make it official and ask her

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