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Date: September 23, 2022
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She was obviously wrong to share her fantasies with you. It's going to be terrible if technology is ever developed for reading minds. As soon as that happens, anxious partners everywhere will start trying to snoop like they do with phones, failing to distinguish fantasy from reality as usual.
It could be a few things. If you don’t mind me asking, how often do you guys have sex? And does he generally have a high or low libido?
If he’s overweight, he might have high blood pressure and that would definitely influence the quality of his erection. He should get a physical and bloodwork to check if he didn’t do this already. Since he can maintain an erection during doggy & cowgirl, it might be because you’re the one doing the physical work of sex and he can concentrate on the feeling.
He may be fatigued from work and daily stressors. Does he decompress after work? Does he do anything to relax in the evening?
Since he can stay naked during cowgirl, I doubt he gets soft during missionary because he doesn’t like your body. Cowgirl gives a similar POV to missionary and if he didn’t like what he was seeing, then he’d go soft in either position. In my experience, doggy and cowgirl allow for deeper penetration and this can make things feel “tighter” for a guy because he is deeper inside of you. Perhaps that’s also why he tends to maintain an erection during those position.
Porn use could be a huge factor in this too. Since he won’t tell you whether he watches it or not, then I’m not sure where else to go with this comment. Frequent porn use and masturbation desensitizes the brain and body, so he might have a bit of death grip.
Same. I'm also female and I'm SO BAD at trying to guess what people mean.
She didn't cheat, they were on a break!!! Pretty obvious what she tried something with someone else but it didn't work she wanted.
Thats wonderful, but yea since I still kinda have issues within myself when people tell me things like this Ill go to the extreme and ill be like well ok now I cant joke or laugh around you anymore which is another problem.
Absolutely leave. Is all bad for you.
Agreed, but you never really know a lot of things in a relationship. It could be your baby, but she also has been cheating on you and just happened to get pregnant from you first. Or it could be yours but she could cheat in the future. And from her perspective she doesn’t know if you’ll stick around and help raise the kid, or if you’ve cheated or will cheat on the future. Overcoming those doubts cannot be proven with a test, it can only be achieved through mutual trust and respect.
At the end of the day, the only thing this test will tell you is the biology of the child. If it’s yours, it will tell you nothing about whether or not either one of you have been faithful in the past or will be in the future. So, as a woman who couldn’t fathom passing off another man’s child to my partner as his, it would basically be like him saying to me “hey, I know I have no way of proving to you that I’ve been faithful and that I’ll stay with you and our child and be there for you, but you’re just going to have to take my word for it. But since I can take a test that only if it has a certain result could prove if you’ve been unfaithful, I’m going to take it.” To me it’s a trust breaker- you have to have faith in me that everything I’m promising you is true, but I don’t need to have faith in you if I have any alternative to disprove your word.
Now, if it’s not your kid, then I’m sure you’ll be glad to have had it done and saved yourself a lot of heartbreak. And you hear stories about people passing off children that aren’t theirs all the time. So, it’s one of those things that could be the best decision you ever made or push away what could have been a great partner.
And in terms of if I would rather be a “single parent,” if it’s his kid and I decide to leave him, then just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean that he isn’t obligated to be just as involved in parenting the kid as he would be if I didn’t leave him. He still needs to fulfill his parenting obligation to the child we created. So, I wouldn’t personally considered the alternative as being a “single parent” as the kid will have two parents, just two parents who aren’t in a romantic relationship. And if he tried to shirk those responsibilities because he’s salty that I left him, then that just proves I was right to leave him in the first place.
I struggle with retroactive jealousy ocd. I don’t like the fact that he jerked off thinking about someone he liked. It feels wrong and makes me see him differently.
just tell him no that’s not a rule you accept.
This is what I was thinking. It’s possible she doesn’t want to start a marriage with any deceptions.
Be firm that this is not what you discussed and you are not willing to budge. I'm sure her working, having a job, and living with a man before marriage are also not cultural norms. Be careful that she isn't trying to take financial advantage of you, she can't cherry-pick what norms she does and does not follow. Let her know that until she has children you 100% expect her to contribute accordingly.
I was never here!!!
I'm sure someone mentioned in the comments but I didn't see it, but did you ever think that maybe he breaks up with you and he wants to sleep with someone else and just blames it on hives? But why would you want to be with someone who blames you for something when you've obviously been very sensitive and accommodating.
this really helped thank you! don't worry about your english i understood completely, but i do agree i think i've just got used to the dynamic of bad relationships that this feels different and out of the normal x