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  1. yawn. porn is so bad on public websites. Sex trafficked teens and adults are on there everyday. just invalidating anything u say.

  2. OK, maybe was friends with benefits. But your best friend knew you were sleeping with him and deliberately slept with him. So you have every right to be ticked off with her. I don’t really have friends like that, though I think I did when I was young don’t trust her.

  3. But why tho. Why do you need to have someone's exclusive sexual attraction? Your bf isn't with those other people. He's with you. And being attracted to others sexually doesn't mean he'll cheat on you.

    I'm more than twice your age. I've learned to accept people as they are for who they are. If someone is going to change something about their behavior, I want it to be for them, not bc it'll make me happy.

    If this is making you feel really bad, you have a decision to make. Either accept that he's gonna be attracted to other people besides you, or leave him. There's no middle ground here.

  4. That's some master level manipulation, right there. That's DARVO.

    What your girlfriend is doing is called DARVO:

    DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim into an alleged offender.” (Psychology Today).

    It is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers. The abuser claims that they, are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing the reality of the victim and offender. This usually involves not just “playing the victim” but also victim blaming.

    She Denied anything inappropriate happened. Attacked you by blaming you and getting angry with YOU for not ignoring that she's cheating on you.

    Reversed Victim and Offender:

    You have an issue with my friend. Guess I'll just cut them out and be lonely”

    She made you the perpetrator. Now you are the controlling, abusive boyfriend. Now you have trust issues, and and you want her to be completely alone.

    Made herself the Victim:

    “no I want us to work out, I'll cut HT out. We can do couples therapy.”

    She's now the good sacrificing girlfriend that's giving in to your abuse and control to keep the relationship going. Not only that, she is willing to go to therapy to work on “issues” that don't exist because she made them up.

    She manufacture problems that can only be solved with therapy. Instead of just letting you see the messages like a normal person with nothing to hide would do.

    Don't let her manipulate you into accepting that you have issues, that you are controlling, and that she's sacrificing so much for your relationship. She's using DARVO.

    Now you that know the “formula” she's using, you can defend yourself and stay on track. She's being deceitful. The only reason why she is refusing to show you the messages is because they are having an affair, and she doesn't want you to know. Are you supporting the household financially? She may not want to lose that easy lifestyle where she cheats on you, and you take care of her.

  5. It doesnt sound like you're over thinking to me. It sounds like you are in a situation that any woman would be super uncomfortable in.

    How can they be best friends if they just met this year? It all sounds way too fishy.

  6. Except she has commented that she has no intention of even attempting to change. So, yes, she is selfish and shame on her for not listening to her husband and doing something to relieve him of this constantly suffocating relationship.

  7. Make small goals and make a pointed effort to meet them. Put them on paper or a calendar and gradually increase the kind of goal..from getting out of bed at a certain time or cleaning an area of your place or growing a plant. See how you feel after and if you feel good keep going but if you still feel rotten on the inside you might need some help. Even with all the effort if our brains are missing something we gotta get help. Hang in there, take it step by step and keep moving forward.

  8. This is why we block people after we break up with them, no matter how good or bad the break up was.

    You’re obsessing over someone who shouldn’t even be in your life anymore. Block him and move on.

  9. 36/M here and it sounds like you need to throw that relationship in the trash and watch the trash truck come pick that crap up

  10. They were boudoir pictures, maybe a bit more than. I don’t like the idea of my friend seeing my wife that way.

  11. I literally typed “What you absolutely don’t do is compromise” with regards to kids.

    If you want kids and she doesn’t, that’s the end of the relationship. Neither of you is wrong or the “bad guy.”

    She’s allowed to change her mind about kids, and you’re allowed not to.

  12. So he doesn't want a joint account, or the legal protections people get when they are married (if you break up, there's no communal property, if you divorce, all the money gets split). He just wants to take your money and put it in his account?! Yeah, that would be a hot pass from me. Why exactly won't he get married?

  13. It’s just not true, you’re generalizing. You don’t know, you might suggest, but you don’t know. And to be fair, I don’t know either for sure. But I know “throwing up” doesn’t have to equal manipulating, not learned behavior (which is basically the same as learned behavior). There’s so many other options, that’s honestly more common than to manipulate, especially since she has so high anxiety that she needs meds.

  14. I won't comment on the violence. Enough people already have.

    Once had a gf who would “borrow” my car without asking. We got into a couple of arguments about it but I mostly just let it go until one day I was late for work because she had my car.

    When she finally got back, I told her the next time I needed my car and it wasn't there I'd call the cops and report it as stolen.

    If you know where it is, have a friend take you to get your car. Or just call the cops and tell them she stole it.

    Then walk away from this toxic woman.

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