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Shery , ♥, 19 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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Ive masturbated to nearly every woman Ive even remotely met that Im not related to, pretty, ugly, mean, nice, stupid and smart.
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I know, I’m completely aware of this. Actually I don’t blame her as I don’t think she has any bad intentions but I really need to move on with my life. It really sucks to be stuck in this situation
It sounds like you've been through a lot and it's understandable that feeling betrayed by someone close to you is still affecting how you trust today. Going into relationships with this mindset can be difficult, especially when the other person suddenly takes an unexpected turn.
What I want you to remember most is that no matter what happens in your relationships, at least you stayed true to yourself. You did the best that you could and now the important thing is to practice self-compassion. Take time for yourself away from anyone who makes unwanted switches in behaviour or behavior towards you, give yourself permission not to put up with drama from others and don't forget about all of things that make YOU happy.
Draw up a lil calendar and put a gold star on the days he's done his chores. If his weekly average at the end of the month is good enough you could buy him an ice cream or something.
ouch, you’re right
This exactly. He's trying to control every aspect of the mother's life, this starts by getting rid of her support structure, namely her kids and her friends. The amount of controlling behaviour he's shown so far, it's guaranteed to be far far worse when they are in private.
This is a totally abusive relationship. OP should stick by her mother and let her know what a piece of shit this guy really is. He snaked his way into her life, he should slither his way and crawl back under that rock he once came from
While I agree ultimatums are bad, do you think a court would give a man full or primary custody of a newborn? It would take a real slam dunk argument for that and from his several posts he doesn’t have one
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I personally think we all have the right to be friends with whoever we want to be, I think it’s controlling to but into the relationships of our partners. I know others feel different and that’s fine.
Even if you don’t see that the same as I do, this is a preexisting friend. It sounds like you all are in the same friend group. It happens, you all are adults, it’s not a big deal unless you tell yourself it’s a big deal.
We all have people in our lives that are complicated for some reason or another, it’s just part of life as an adult.
99% of the problems in these posts lately can be solved by not dating someone more than 3-5 years older than you.
Thank you. I think therapy would definitely help, but insurance doesn’t cover it and we don’t have the funds for regular appointments right now. Are there any other good resources you would suggest?
You made the right choice. She is 24 and lets him control her. She will need major therapy to get out of his hold, if she ever chooses to.
Dude. Run.
There are times that feel like absolute hell… She always seems so happy from the outside but deep down she’s clearly a mess.
Mel, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Mel, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
You are not compatible. Would be incredibly foolish to stay in this relationship.
Will do, thank you for the positivity ?
From how OP wrote it he hired someone tho
Like I can’t believe this is all just bad luck bc I’ve met someone with genuinely bad luck. Like most of this stuff is stuff you have control over m
Like the Alexa one??? Bro give me a break, how does he think people cooked before Alexa??? Why aren’t you watching this food? Why not use a timer on your phone? Nah the answer is “I guess you’ll just have to cook everything” like how is that not weaponized incompetence lol
He is back at his parents for a few months haha
Otherwise I would
So one of two things is going on:
She is protecting the person who told her. In that case, she values that person's trust over yours. That's a dealbreaker. She is lying to you and trying to “hint” at who it is to see if you reveal some hidden truth. That's also a dealbreaker.
Bottom line: Either way, her behavior is a dealbreaker. You can choose to respond however you like, but as an older person who made the mistake of staying with a partner who I should never have trusted, I encourage you to take this behavior very seriously. The long-term consequences of staying with a partner like that are not happy ones.
She’s going to cheat on you and is interested in other avenues. Just break up with her there’s no future in this. Do you want to deal with this for the rest of your life? Divorce is sky high for a reason.