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Date: October 2, 2022
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Perhaps what you really need is some time to think. Give yourself permission to go on vacation. Or just stay with a friend and give yourself time to not deal with him for a minute. You can tell him it's a vacation or that it was a last minute thing that came up. That'll give you time to figure out what to say to him.
Then you'll have time to confront the very hot facts while you think, without having to deal with the stabbing pain of knowing he's lying to you every time you look at him while you process all this. That way you don't have to say anything to him right now while you process. Nor will he be suspicious.
Then you can decide how to deal with it.
Unfortunately, you know you'll have to tell him so he can get himself treated. And you also know this is the beginning of the end of your relationship. Just because you didn't see it coming doesn't mean it's not true. Your relationship will never be the same again and you know that.
You love him. We've all been there, loving someone who doesn't deserve our time. But take it from those of us who have already gone through this hell. The longer you stay the worse it'll be for you in the end. Because you can already see that this relationship will end, that's why you're saying you're not ready to break up with him, because you know it's coming. But then at the very end of it all, you'll judge yourself for every day you stayed past finding all of this out. We don't have to judge you. I'm not. I understand how naked it can be.
But trust me when I tell you, one day, you'll look back and you'll judge yourself three times as harshly as anyone here ever would. That's one of the hardest parts of really healing. As hot as it is to find the strength to let go. Part of you knows you're only hurting yourself in the long run.
You poor darling. Take care of your health and give yourself space from him to take care of your mental health while you process. I'm sorry you're going through all of this.
Please dump him. This was humiliating to even read
Very not normal whatsoever. My sister and I have never had any negative physical contact or long term spats…
And im the baby and spoiled one, perhaps our 9 year difference in age doesnt create any animosity or jealousy due to our differing generations.
Its sounds like you have many deep rooted family issues, more heart to hearts may be needed. And therapy is big time. Im a 23 year old man and I feel better in control of my emotional state when I talk to professionals regularly.
I see vast difference in how I interpret things and handle spurts of different emotions, therapy really helps people learn self control. Its helps better understand our own self to deal with our flaws.
Your sister seems as if her emotions still control her. But tbh, if someone that was blood physically attacked me? Thats it, trust is lost, you probably dont want to be around or associated with her. I wouldn’t either.
Look out after yourself because unfortunately you dont have a healthy sibling relationship. If your sister continues this path of out of control emotional states, just run and do you. Knowing siblings they’ll crawl back when they get desperate or go broke.
Best of luck, I hope you do what is best for you. You can’t reason with people who cannot control/handle anger and irritation. Just get out of her way. I hope you heal and can make informed decisions about how you cope with being around your family.
She’s spent years home with ostensibly very little adult or professional interaction and stimulation. She’s hitting her stride and enjoying putting effort into her career now that she can.
As for her work friend…again, she’s probably only really been around other parents while she was SAH and is likely enjoying meeting someone who can talk about more than kids.
I can appreciate that you want more time with her. Can you plan a date night? Get a sitter, make a reservation…?