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Date: October 19, 2022
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I'd leave the boyfriend and make sure to see that your “little brother” friend is okay and gets the help they need. The comments made are NOT okay by your boyfriend and their friends.
The very hot truth is that it makes perfect sense that you're saying the exact same thing and getting the exact same results (while having expected different ones); that's the definition of insanity.
As it stands, you're looking for magic here. To keep it simple, you move around a lot, and when you're “home,” you make no effort to date. That would be fine for the purposes of your title question, but then you say that “even if you had time,” you'd still make zero effort to date.
As an aside, if this is only about virginity (which I don't believe it is), you could lose it at any point, whether you're traveling or not. To this, I imagine you'll respond along the lines of virginity and sex meaning a lot to you and wanting it to happen with someone special. That's fair enough. It's still nothing but conjecture from me, so you'll have to let me know.
Either way, you seem to have pinpointed the root cause of the issue; time. What do you do? Can that be changed? No one on earth should ever suggest that you not get all of that in order. But you're nearly 30. I'm not focused on the age itself as much as assuming you're established in your career. If that's the case, flexibility shouldn't be improbable. Again, you'll have to let us know.
You're arguing two extremes here. Your argument suggests that your current lifestyle makes it “impossible” for a relationship. Is that true? If so, then your lifestyle needs to change. If your argument is that you'll be homeless, then you're either stubborn or deciding that a relationship won't ever happen. Once again, there's no magic solution for that premise. Talk to us.
Will do. Thank you
You're going to get downvoted for this but you're absolutely right.
Putting all this emotional baggage on your partner is really selfish – if you've gotten to this stage you've fucked up in a million ways already, and now you're handing your partner a whole bag of insecurities and relationship anxiety because you couldn't handle yourself like a decent human being.
Ultimately OP knows his partner best, so I won't comment further on whether I think she's being completely honest, but I think he's justified in feeling angry.
There is nothing wrong with you wanting more. But you have to face the fact that it is not going to come from her. Decide now whether you can accept the relationship as is, with its low level of intimacy, because it is very unlikely to change.
I like to think im not quite that naive
Thank you for response. I think about this all the time. Overall we have well balanced responsibilities .. I look after the kids during the day when she is out for her job, home chores, cleaning etc. I do feel that he carries equal responsibilities too, no complaints. We both have our limitations and take ownership of tasks and chores accordingly.
My job is very demanding and so is hers, the difference is mine is more mentally draining and hers physically. Unfortunately this means we try to seek different things to relax and recharge.
I have discussed about this with her in the past. She said she is exhausted by end of the day. I tried to do more and take few things off her plate, but all the time that frees up she uses to talk to her parents or planning social engagements with our friends. She is very social and likes to be with friends and family. I am okay with that and enjoy it too to some extent. But end of the day nothing helps to get the physical intimacy that I seek.
I love my kids so much, they are the best. Don't want to do anything that will hurt them. I still love my wife just as much I did when we were in our teens. Only missing part is the physical intimacy.
Sure I am missing something on my side too, no doubt. Will look up jimmy on relationship.
See, I NEVER ask for a count. I already know any answer will bother me. I don't need to know, so I don't want to know. It could be 5, 10, 500 and it won't change who he is as a person, so why deal with that struggle?
Sounds about right: she feels suppressed by the drugs, and conflates her flat affect with falling out of love with you; she quietly reduces or drops the meds entirely, and the resulting leap in emotional volatility coincides with meeting the shiny new guy, and she mistakes the emotional rise as cosmic connectedness with him; meanwhile the bipolar is ramping up, prompting her to be increasingly reckless of her behavior and careless of your feelings, because all she can focus on is how new and wonderful everything feels.
And you? you’re left standing wondering wtf just happened.
This is very challenging. Please look into family therapists that specialize in pre-death grieving and fatal diagnoses.