Why are you staying with a man this enmeshed with his mother? I saw in your other post that he lives with his mom and that you were planning on getting a place with him. Further committing to this man and living with him would be a huge mistake. He isn’t going to change this ridiculous financial situation and he feels entitled to your money. You are harming yourself staying with this mama’s boy who treats yoy like his ATM.
See I (45m) can be painted in a similar way. I spend a lot of time on my hobbies, working on my hot rod, or building scale models. While my wife (46f) does her own thing.
She complains a lot. I load the dishwasher wrong. Or I don't fold the towels right. Complain, complain, complain. So the last thing I want to do is spend time with her.
oof it sounds like he's just kind of an idiot and put his foot in his mouth. I'm sure he regrets his words immensely lol. A lot of men also really can't understand the absolutely wild changes that happen to your body throughout pregnancy and childbirth. They just think it's some kind of womens maternal thing thats easy to accept when its really fucking not. I think it would be a good idea to sit down during a neutral time (IE not when you're about to have sex for the first time since giving birth) and explain to him everything thats going on.
I totally understand where you're coming from and its so nude. The changes happen too fast and you don't really have time to even comprehend them, especially once the baby comes. It's important to let your partner know how you're feeling.
I should add this. Prior to the appointment described above with the mortgage broker, she said that if we were planning to get married in 2024, we didn't need to worry about a contract and everything would be fine.
In the second conversation, as described above, she said the opposite and that we had to do it. Hence the frustration that we suddenly had to do it while she told us at first we didn't have to worry about it.
One alternative is getting legally married, not holding a ceremony of any kind, and then doing the wedding that you want in 2024.
We weren't planning a traditional wedding anyway. We just want to get married legally, invite some family and friends to celebrate with us and that's that. No church or fancy wedding dresses or anything.
We never liked such a big party because we are both introverts and don't like to be the center of attention.
No offense to you but I feel like that’s really immature. When there is a person that has always been there for you and sacrificed things for you they at least deserve communication and not to just be stonewalled. It’s plenty okay to have big emotions and it’s 100% okay to cry over a relationship when you’ve been with someone for so long and put so much time and effort and care into them.
If she’s keeping the child, and you don’t want it, you can propose to pay child support and leave it at that. Even though I ideally think you should be an active father to the child, in this situation it may just make everyone’s lives awful. You can pay child support, she can find a new partner that will become the child’s dad, and you move on. You tell your wife and she will have to accept what you are capable of. You will have a lot of guilt to work through and for that you’ll definitely need a therapist.
Super toxic. He only cares about himself. I wouldn't just run, I'd sprint.
Two kings. Works better as a bed covering when you are not in it.
Why are you staying with a man this enmeshed with his mother? I saw in your other post that he lives with his mom and that you were planning on getting a place with him. Further committing to this man and living with him would be a huge mistake. He isn’t going to change this ridiculous financial situation and he feels entitled to your money. You are harming yourself staying with this mama’s boy who treats yoy like his ATM.
This is only one side of the story.
See I (45m) can be painted in a similar way. I spend a lot of time on my hobbies, working on my hot rod, or building scale models. While my wife (46f) does her own thing.
She complains a lot. I load the dishwasher wrong. Or I don't fold the towels right. Complain, complain, complain. So the last thing I want to do is spend time with her.
Could you be doing this to him?
I'm not assuming you are doing this. Only asking.
oof it sounds like he's just kind of an idiot and put his foot in his mouth. I'm sure he regrets his words immensely lol. A lot of men also really can't understand the absolutely wild changes that happen to your body throughout pregnancy and childbirth. They just think it's some kind of womens maternal thing thats easy to accept when its really fucking not. I think it would be a good idea to sit down during a neutral time (IE not when you're about to have sex for the first time since giving birth) and explain to him everything thats going on.
I totally understand where you're coming from and its so nude. The changes happen too fast and you don't really have time to even comprehend them, especially once the baby comes. It's important to let your partner know how you're feeling.
I should add this. Prior to the appointment described above with the mortgage broker, she said that if we were planning to get married in 2024, we didn't need to worry about a contract and everything would be fine.
In the second conversation, as described above, she said the opposite and that we had to do it. Hence the frustration that we suddenly had to do it while she told us at first we didn't have to worry about it.
One alternative is getting legally married, not holding a ceremony of any kind, and then doing the wedding that you want in 2024.
We weren't planning a traditional wedding anyway. We just want to get married legally, invite some family and friends to celebrate with us and that's that. No church or fancy wedding dresses or anything.
We never liked such a big party because we are both introverts and don't like to be the center of attention.
No offense to you but I feel like that’s really immature. When there is a person that has always been there for you and sacrificed things for you they at least deserve communication and not to just be stonewalled. It’s plenty okay to have big emotions and it’s 100% okay to cry over a relationship when you’ve been with someone for so long and put so much time and effort and care into them.
Are you going to address how horrible he was for trying to hurt your feelings?
If she’s keeping the child, and you don’t want it, you can propose to pay child support and leave it at that. Even though I ideally think you should be an active father to the child, in this situation it may just make everyone’s lives awful. You can pay child support, she can find a new partner that will become the child’s dad, and you move on. You tell your wife and she will have to accept what you are capable of. You will have a lot of guilt to work through and for that you’ll definitely need a therapist.