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Lumjacker, y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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? Proving my point
What does he wear?
Hiya peach, I’m a 33yr old lesbian, my lovely partner is trans & so are most of my friends, many of whom are in healthy, happy relationships. I’ve looked at your post history and it’s an unfortunate reminder of the painful lessons I learned with a boyfriend I had when I was your age. He was emotionally abusive in many of the same ways your boyfriend is. We moved in together and the abuse escalated and even turned physical. It took a long time for me to escape because, as you say, he felt like “home”. But home isn’t just familiar- it’s supposed to be safe. At the time, leaving him felt like the biggest, scariest thing I could imagine, but it was the kindest thing I’ve ever done for myself. I had a lot of trauma from that relationship and wish I’d got out sooner. I think you need to get far away from this man, and you certainly shouldn’t on-line with him. I promise- I really really really promise- you can have an amazing life filled with love and support, especially from other queer people who will celebrate every part of you. But your journey there starts with you doing something really brave and prioritizing yourself, not this man who treats you dreadfully.
Possibly this. Probably this tbh, although she could actually totally melt down and feel terrible about herself.
Either way this part is 100% right, you're teaching her to do it more.
You need to sit down and have a conversation with her and say all of this. And then tell her this is not a healthy way to deal with things you're telling her that are affecting you. Tell her how you try to deal with things, and that adults who communicate well and relationships that work well have two adults in them that try to this. You really need her to stop having meltdowns and learn to take a bit of constructive criticism.
Then I'd point out that she's getting short with you and stuff after work over party menial things. It's not making you feel good, it's probably obvious in front of the kids so not helping them, and you'd like to get to the root of the problem.
Relationship age is setting in a bit here I think also, when resentments have built up for a while and coming home from work to fund dirty stuff around the house when you're off is pissing her off. I don't know your relationship, so I've got no clue at all if her points are valid or not, only you do. But it needs a conversation to help dial back the reactions she's having now and for her to realise why her own behaviour will also be causing resentment and damage, and needs to change.
Don't let her just melt into and thing then give her a free pass and say “it's all OK you just made a mistake.” Be like, ” you're doing this again. It's not helping us solve any of those situations or work together towards solutions. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about yourself, I'm doing it to point out an area we can do better in. Can we please talk about why you think you might be doing it, and let's figure out if we can change either the cause or the reaction here.”
Like, just don't let her do it. Whenever she does, resort to those types of sentences and steer her away from it to a solution based mindset as well.
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
It's her life and her body.
Good for her.
Next you're going to tell me tooth brush mustaches don't cause genocide.
What an evil, horrible, manipulative person. I went through a similar incident to this. It took me several times to leave the abuser and when I finally did after he went to jail, he bailed out and broke into my new house I moved into while I was gone and stole my belongings. He threatened to kill me, something I never thought would happen. I called the cops and they FAVORED him because he photoshopped his name onto my mailing address. You got lucky. This was in a different state. I ended up getting a temporary restraining order and then a permanent one. Looking back, I know why you are torn, but I’m five years past that incident and I feel lucky to be alive and I can tell you that you need to get the fuck away from this person and get a protective order.
Reading this gave off abuse vibes, then this:
Now I’m currently getting the silent treatment.
Yup. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. You're being emotionally abused.
She said no and basically stayed up listening to our conversation.
This is the behavior of a psychotic person.
Any advice?
I know you already live with her, but you should really be preparing for moving out when the lease is up. Again, do NOT renew the lease when it's up. She's willy abusing you. You do not deserve this treatment. You need to find your own place to live!, far away from this psycho. People who are this crazy about their relationship have a much higher likelihood of escalating to physical abuse.
Get out while you still can.